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10,000 maybes

Today marks 19 months of waiting for our adopted child.

And to tell you the truth: we are feeling totally deflated.

For the past 2 months no “expedited” families (those of us living in China) have been matched. So you see, the little line that we are in hasn’t made any progress in two months.

We honestly have no clue how much longer we will have to wait.

In December 2007, we were told to expect a 10 month wait.

Now, in July of 2009, it seems like we have at least another 10 months to wait.

What are we waiting on? I’m not sure.

Why are we waiting so long? I don’t know.

Please rest assured that this deflated feeling has nothing to do with the child and everything to do with the system.

My mind has been clouded since July 1st.

On 07.01 this story broke in a local Chinese newspaper. On 07.03 the China Daily picked up this version in English. The article is about baby girls being taken from families who were too poor to pay the fines for being over quota (already having one child).

In short, the method used by Family Planning was to target the most vulnerable families whose husbands were away from home working or who had little money with which to pay the fines.

Here’s the catch: what the Family Planning officials were doing was not illegal. There are no laws against this.

Here’s the tension: foreign families coming to China to adopt are required to give a 35,000 rmb “donation” to the orphanage. That’s 35,000 rmb in cash handed to an orphanage director on one sunny afternoon.

Note: previously this sum was $3,000 USD, but as of 01.01.09 the sum and currency was changed to 35,000 rmb ($5,122 USD).

Thus, the tension. So long as an orphanage has babies, then they have huge amounts of “donation money” coming in.

Why would the orphanage be inclined to adopt domestically when foreign families are required to donate 35,000 rmb?

But what about us, the potential adoptive parents? How are we to respond?

We cannot act like every single child in every orphanage is abandoned. This is the second time (Hunan 2005) that baby buying has made domestic and international headlines.

Maybe the orphanages aren’t full of abandoned babies.

Maybe we are the ones encouraging corruption since we are the ones giving 35,000 rmb?

Maybe this money is less donation and more incentive…

Maybe we are also the ones discouraging domestic adoption?

How can we act like our child is innocently abandoned when they are possibly stolen or purchased?

(Yet, those “stolen” children are still in need of a family.)

Maybe we should consider a special needs child because they are more likely abandoned?


or maybe…

but then again maybe…

So right now we’re contemplating lots of options…somethings we’ve never thought of before.

We’re asking for a big confirmation that this is still the correct journey for our family.

Here’s what I know for sure: when children are adopted and a fee is exchanged then there will always be a commodity issue involved.

Essentially, children become an export business (children out/cash in). Meanwhile, adoption agencies become a business (as opposed to non-profit) since they need to charge high fees to cover office buildings and staff salaries.

Who is caught in the middle?

A child. Not even a year old. In need of a forever family.

15 comments to 10,000 maybes

  • Laurel Burrough Deloney

    Shoreli, know that the 3-D's are praying more fervently for you, Sandra, Schafer & all of your families as you wait and contemplate your "maybes".

  • My heart is heavy for you all. I know your desire to grow your family is so strong. My prayer is that God would guide you to know how to proceed and how to continue to wait.

  • Annelies

    Your family is in my thoughts and I continue asking for that big confirmation to be made clear for you all. Thanks for opening up this matter so we can know how to love, support and intercede for you all.

  • Jessica

    Sandra. I love your mind and your heart. I'll be praying for you all to have clear and perfect wisdom that comes from the Spirit of God… that you will be able to walk confidently, hearing that voice of God Almighty telling you "This is the way you should walk". (hugs)

  • Loren


    what a hard thing! know that i’m praying for comfort and wisdom and peace and that God would make what He wants in this situation super clear.
    much love,


  • Amy

    Sandra, I read this and am praying now. I can't imagine what you are going through. Brad and I talk often about how innocent children are caught in the middle of so much insanity. It's heartbreaking. Please let me know how we can pray for you specifically as things develop.

  • Laurel

    Scucchi, know that the 3-D's are praying more fervently for you, Shorel, Schafer & all of your families as you wait and contemplate your "maybes".

  • Judy

    It just stinks!! Poor children and poor parents waiting to adopt. I know the waiting is so hard but prayers are on-going for your family!! May you get an answer soon.

  • Charis

    This is very interesting, sad, and helpful information to me as hubby and I prepare to move there and hope to adopt as well.
    Love reading your blog! One of the 100 hits a day comes from me. (a stranger in TX) 🙂

  • hang in there friend. I will pray specifically for your strength and patience!

  • Cara

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts and hurt! I've experienced a different kind of waiting and no matter what kind it is…it is hard. I can't imagine these thoughts and emotions you are wrestling with, all the while wondering who and where the child is that God has planned for your familiy! Praying for you!

  • Brigitte

    Wow, friend. So much to ponder. Waiting sure does stink. All I know is you have been following Him on this journey thus far and I pray He keeps giving you direction for each step coming up. Love you guys!

  • carrie

    We’ll be praying for wisdom. I’m not sure what’s going through your minds at the moment, but we’ll be asking for clarity. I’m so sorry that things are still on hold.

  • These thoughts about corruption have had me pondering the very same questions for some time. It is so hard, if orphanages did not have a ‘finders fee’, would abandoned babies still be taken there? But, with the fee corruption and trafficking is encouraged. Likewise with the 35000 RMB donation. There is not enough transparency in the process.

    I pray you find peace and clear confirmation soon.

  • sherry

    oh, this just makes me sick! We’ve heard about it all over the world including the us. I think about the little one you’ve been waiting for on occasion. My heart hurts with you!

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